"Keep Calm, and Carry On"
Act One: Oh cool so this is like intertwining fairytales with like messages and newer themes this is cool and fun yeah I can dig it
Act Two: waiT WHAT THE FUCKNUTS
Well, yesterday I went to an ENT (Ear, Nose, and Throat Doctor) to see what was going on with my voice. For the past few months, it hasn’t been as clear or vibrant as it used to be, and it was bothering me and my voice teacher a ton.
So we went in. The long and short of it is this:
I indeed have vocal nodules.
*cue buildings burning and cities being destroyed*
Honestly, I wasn’t surprised, I wasn’t even upset. You see, I go to a fairly small University. The music department is slim as it is, and the best students, or the students with the most drive and determination are ALWAYS stretched thin. I was one of those students. Being the only solid tenor (as in a tenor who actually had a decent range, good resonance, and projection), and a “cain’t say no” attitude, really wore on me apparently.
Now, this isn’t to say that I am the best thing out there, or that I am God’s gift to the University music program. I simply was a big fish, in a very small pond, and therefore made a name for myself unintentionally. Sure, I liked having the attention at first, but then it turned from a selfish pride, to a selfless pride. I wasn’t in it for me anymore, but I started to wear myself thin for others around me. I am the type of person who knows that something will be better if I become involved because I am the type of person who always wants to make things better, to be the best that they can be. I always volunteered myself, and by myself, I mean my voice.
My voice is a huge part of me. It’s a large part of my personality! Right now, I’m struggling with that part. There’s a large part of my mind that KNOWS I’m not any different just because I can’t sing or talk as loud and emphatically as before. I am still myself, and people know that. But there’s another par too that says, “Well now you’ll be an introvert and be all alone” (Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with associating with introversion. Some of my best friends are introverts and I love them dearly). For me, it truly is like experiencing my personality become less and less a part of me.
Again, I know this isn’t true.
And, I look at it as a break. For a long time I was vocally supporting myself and others. So many things I took on required my voice. And now I can worry a little less about those. Also, it’s give me a chance to work on other musical aspects of my life. Practicing/playing piano more, playing bass more, writing more, all of it.
Don’t get me wrong, it sucks that I can’t sing for a while, but I am trying to see the gifts that God is giving me through this time of rest. So I’ll be alright :)
Hosted another Event at Corban tonight! This semester it was the “Show Don’t Tell” Talent show, and it was one of the most fun nights I’ve had in a long time. From the amazingly funny crowd tweets, to even grabbing a date for a girl for the Spring Formal, it was a blast.
I love doing stuff like this not for the spotlight or attention, but there’s this overwhelming feeling of joy I get from making people laugh or being on stage. I love it!